How We Transform Ourselves

At the time, I had no idea how psychologically challenging, and physically demanding, changing my body would prove to be.  My skinny identity seemed inseparable from the habits and beliefs that kept me stuck there.  A little voice said I could never build muscle.  Another one knew the obvious dangers and selfishness of eating more food, and that I would get sick.  Who was I to get strong and take up more space, to attract attention?  Was I trying to make other people feel bad?  Skinny, I was in control, and these whispers kept quiet.  Striving for a new version of myself, I confronted these beliefs over and over again, like a sad, sick parade in my mind.  Sometimes at the gym I would start crying and have to take a bathroom break because the voices spoke with such cruelty and viciousness.  I would look at my teary face in the mirror and say, “Kim, you are so brave.  This is hard.  You got this.  You are getting strong.  I love you.  I am here for you.”    

Even though it was hard, I kept following my new habits.  I was lucky that my partner became my gym buddy.  Over time, positive anchors began to form, and my new identity began to form around them.  I pushed forward, getting stronger, both in mind and body.  I did my first push up and eventually my first pull up.    

At first, new habits feel weird and unfamiliar.  Old mental habits and beliefs may pop up, making a lot of noise, and trying to sabotage us.  Trying to keep us safe in the familiar old ruts and reruns we live out, they function to protect us from the risk of change.  As we keep going and stick to our new habits, though, something funny starts to happen.  We start to like our new habits.  They become our new season.  Things like eating more protein, more healthy plant foods, doing resistance training, getting a walk in regularly, become easier and more natural.  As we practice our new activities, starting out small, having some support and a map we trust, the new habits become familiar and, yes, downright pleasurable.  

Let’s talk about the science of habit formation!  A nutshell blueprint for building any new habit follows this basic pattern: Trigger, Activity, Reward.  Let’s use an example.  Suppose that you want to start taking a walk after work.  Here is a possible blueprint for building the new habit: 

Step 1  The Trigger.  In the morning, or night before, put out your sneakers, clothes, and water bottle in a place you will see them when you get home.  Have a fun podcast ready to listen to.  

Step 2  Get Active.  Change your clothes, drink water, cue your podcast (or audiobook!), get out the door and do your walk.

Step 3  Reward Yourself.  Check it off.  Take a pleasurable shower, have a delicious post-workout drink, or eat a piece of fruit.   

Over time, with new habits and the results that follow, our identities shift.  We feel different, and see ourselves differently.  Other people begin to see us differently too.  They start expecting us to walk after work, or do resistance training, or have a lot of energy and a positive attitude.  We start to expect it too.  Some old friends who liked the old (skinny, fat, weak) version (last season’s show) may grow more distant.  This makes room for new friends who support our fitness and beauty.  Real friends will show their quality and support us in any positive change.

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We get used to fitting into our clothes differently, buying a different size, being the same size as we were in high school, or before kids.  We bathe in the vitality of being stronger than we ever have been in our whole lives.  Our identities have shifted, the new person we have become is now familiar, and safe.  With our actions, we keep creating ourselves.  By following a plan and fostering new habits, over time, what we once could only dream of, has become our new normal!

It’s been around two and a half years since I started lifting weights and eating to support my strength.  I’ve faced down many internal monsters, and certainly suffered setbacks, but I have kept at it.  When I recently got on the platform to do my first squat in my first powerlifting meet, I heard my family cheering.  I started crying.  I quickly pulled myself together, like all the times in the bathroom, took a deep breath, and said confidently, “I am strong”.  Then I got under the barbell and pulled off my first competition squat.  I felt a bit shaky, but it passed.  The announcer yelled, “That’s how it’s done!”  I felt so proud of myself, and so strong!