Messing Up

One summer, at age 16, I remember my Dad getting all excited about the concept of the gap between stimulus and response.  “Kim, the GAP!  If we can slow down enough to see the GAP, it changes everything, don’t you see?!!”  Being a teen, I probably cringed at his dorky enthusiasm (sorry, Dad).  Now, however, I totally get it.  The pure magic of the GAP has me jacked up on life!  And now my teenage kids cringe at me.  Payback!    

So why is the gap between stimulus and response so important for fitness goals?  It comes down to the inevitable reality of Uncle Murphy (Murphy’s Law… anything that can go wrong will go wrong) showing up everywhere.  We have important fitness goals, things we really care about.  We even make smart plans!  Regardless, mess ups will happen, things beyond our control will interfere.  This basic fact makes it crucial to have a plan for handling Uncle Murphy’s handiwork, both in our environment and our inner world.  It all comes down to making use of the GAP between stimulus and response!

Take this scenario:

My day has totally gone sideways (kid is sick, had to give someone a ride, had to work late, a customer is pissed, my boss is pissed, it’s snowing out, the car broke down, etc) and it’s now 9:30 PM, and I didn’t do my workout.  I am so tired that I can’t do it at all.  

This is the stimulus.  I am looking back at the rubble of a messed up day.  I feel exhausted. And the magic gap follows.  

How will I react?  This question opens that gap, and allows me the possibility of choice. 

Will I bring out the mean girl routine?  The mean girl might go something like this: 

“I can’t believe I missed my workout again.  I am so pathetic.  I am never going to lose this extra weight!  Why didn’t I get up at 5 AM and work out like my perfect friend did?  Right, because I was so tired from working late.  I hate my job.”  Looking in the mirror, “I look so pale and fat” (Critical, Attacking)  “If I had a better job, I wouldn’t be so tired and depressed.” (Victim, Excuses, Blame) “I hate my boss/customers, I can never get time to work out.  If my partner would work out with me, like my perfect friend’s partner, I would have it so easy.”  “My life is crazy” (Victim, Excuses, Blame).  “I had a good plan, but my boss/kids/partner ruined it.” (Defensive, Victim, Excuses)  

Or maybe I will choose the detective mindset.  Same messed up day, but the detective routine might go something like this:  

“That’s too bad.  I really wanted to work out today.  I feel disappointed and sad my day got so derailed.”  Taking a deep breath, putting my tired hands on my heart (Kind).  “What really happened today?” (Curious) “I can see that I didn’t make my workout important enough.  I also was going for perfect.” (Learning)  “When I noticed that I wouldn’t be able to get to the gym because the car was broken, I gave up.  I actually had a half hour that I could have used to work out at home” (Learning, Responsible).  “With how busy I am at work right now, I need to plan on home workouts as a good back up option” (Making Better Plan).  “I am adding it to my list to ask my trainer to make a few for me to use (or find some on youtube) for times like this.”  Looking in the mirror, with a goofy smile, I give myself a high five and declare, “I am a freaking rock star, and I have got this fitness thing so dialed!  These extra pounds are history!”

I used to think that I needed the mean girl to beat me into improvement and teach me tough lessons.  Now I know the deep misery and fallacy of that approach.  It’s simply not true, not even a little.  Some things do get easier getting older.  

The kind detective leads us to greater self-esteem, learning, and better plans.  All of this feeds into consistency and boldness.  Consistency creates success in fitness.   

One cool thing about “the gap” is how it’s in play every present moment!  I could even be half way down the mean girl rabbit hole, wake up, and STOP!  I can take a breath, hands on heart, and start listening and getting curious.  The detective has stepped in.  Exploring the GAP offers us so much to learn, so much more room for kindness to ourselves and others, and finally makes it so much easier to make dreams a reality.

Thanks, Dad, you were right about THE GAP!