Out of the Comfort Zone?
May 19, 2022
Back when I used to give speeches in my Toastmaster group, I often developed a scratchy, sore throat on speech day.
In fact, for my first speech I flat out lost my voice. Kind of funny, right?
My unconscious mind determined that giving the speeches was stressful and uncomfortable for me, so it built me a way out, a survival route.
My inner voice sounded like this:
“Hey, this speech is making you so anxious! You’re going to look really stupid being the center of attention. Maybe just stay home? Then you will be safe, and not make a fool of yourself. This sore throat is a good excuse to let yourself off the hook.”
Although tempting, I knew that I needed to train my unconscious mind that these tricks wouldn’t work! I had enrolled in a speech group because I wanted to challenge myself to speak in public, even though I felt uncomfortable.
I wanted to expand my comfort zone! My approach? Show up and give the speech, with a scratchy, croaky voice. As it turned out, rather than foolish I looked heroic.
The sore throat on speech day is classic “upper limit” behavior. We start trying for some expansion of energy, in any area of life, and get out of our comfort zone.
The unconscious mind registers this as a threat, and helps out with pretty effective strategies to get us back into the familiar, thus safe, zone.
I recommend donning the detective hat and seeking out upper limit behaviors in your life. It can be pretty entertaining.
I find that “upper limiting” happens all day long. Getting too much good feeling going with my partner? Out of nowhere, I start worrying about something, or feel a sudden urge to criticize her or talk about an unpleasant topic that will derail the mood.
In fitness, I used to sabotage myself routinely by exercising intensely and not eating enough. Training hard to build muscle and strength, I would undereat and wind up injured and back to my starting place.
What I discovered in probing this particular issue was a set of limiting beliefs that went something like this:
“I know you say you want to have a strong body, but trust me, it’s safer for you to be weak. You are allowed to be smart, but not strong too. If you get strong, you will stand out too much and make people feel bad. That’s not nice. People won’t like you, and besides, it’s not fair.”
Uhh. Really? People won’t like me for being strong and smart? Which people? And not fair for who? Some of this stuff left over from childhood is jaw dropping.
When I notice upper limit behavior in my life, I like to have a sit-down conversation with myself. My brother calls this a Soul Summit.
All the parts of myself get to talk and we hash it out. I nurture the scared parts and show them why we are going for the new changes.
When our scared parts see that we are headed for loneliness, frailness, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, Alzheimers, etc, unless we follow a new plan, they will likely get on board.
It’s a process! Even after I knew better, I would often “forget” to eat, and still wind up underfed, and you guessed it, injured or short on progress. Knowing this, I look out for it.
In the fitness world, upper limits often show up as injuries, sickness, depression, anxiety, criticism (of self and others), blame, and worry.
When we spot upper limit behavior, we can be aware that we are simply trying to protect ourselves. We can calm down and work the plan.
We can listen inside and find the parts of us that need love and encouragement to see the big picture and join the program.
There may be some new information or training to learn. The key is to be kind, curious, and keep going.
Let’s get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and nurture ourselves along the way.
Recommended Reading:
The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level, by Gay Hendricks, PhD. I’ve listened to this one several times and keep coming back to it!
